So, he's facebook chatted me before, and asked for my number a month or so, which I begrudgingly gave him. I don't really know how to refuse my phone number to someone who isn't a stranger. I just feel like it's rude. Anyway.
Our facebook convo went something like this:
Man Pushing 30: So, any plans for the weekend?
Self: Drinking. To excess.
Inappropriately Older Man: Want a partner?
Self does not reply.
Elderly Guy Who Lacks Subtlety: So, can I tell you something? It will sound weird in this context, but life's about taking risks, right?
Self: Uhh... maybe. I guess.
Senior Citizen: I think ur really cute :)
Self: Oh, thank you. That's nice of you to say.
Social Security Recipient: So uh, can I ask you the same question?
Self: I'm not sure what you mean.
Retiree: What do you think of me?
Self: Oh, I think you seem very nice. But I'm... off the market, so to speak.
He texted me that night asking where I was, and I told him I hadn't left yet but intended to go to a bar in our town. He replied that he was at a different bar, but would meet me there. I groaned in misery.
Esther unsympathetically insisted that I agree to meet up with him, pointing out that he would pay my tab at the end of the night. I rolled my eyes and muttered something about not needing or wanting a man to do that.
When he arrived, he proceeded to awkwardly smile nonstop at me and never break his gaze. He basically cornered me and rambled his life away for a couple of hours, told me he was going to marry me, repeatedly asked me "how crazy was it, what I said to you today?" and otherwise just generally creeped me out. I made excuses to leave every 10 minutes or so.
During these breaks from torture, I would take Esther into the bathroom and explain how much I hated what was happening. She drunkenly (and rather condescendingly, I might add) informed me that I needed to "deal with it" because "he was buying me drinks" and did I know how many guys stare at her and she deals with it? She insisted that I "learn to go with it." She then proceeded to bring up a few unfortunate looking fellows in the past month she has spent the night talking to at the bar in exchange for drinks. Frustrated, I insisted that I wasn't interested in leading men on in exchange for access to their wallets, and that I wanted to get the hell out of the situation immediately.
"He's not that bad," she insisted. "He's not ugly."
"I don't hook up with people because they're not ugly," I interjected, hotly.
I realized pretty quickly that these trips to the bathroom were doing little, aside from enraging me further, and miserably stepped back into the bar where he would descend on me like a piranha.
He gradually moved in closer and closer and awkwardly began rubbing my back and legs. I moved as far away as I could, but it was pretty crowded in there.
I eventually found Esther outside and incomprehensible. Seizing the excuse, I told him we had to leave immediately and made an unceremonious departure.
After we left, the night improved substantially. We went back to the apartment of two guy friends where she got something to eat and we all hung around laughing for a few hours, until Bobby picked me up and took me home.
It was the first time we'd seen each other in weeks and, thrilled, I spent the car ride home basically just grabbing and squeezing him and shrieking about how happy I was to see him. He just laughed the whole time.
When we pulled into my driveway, I took my seatbelt on, leaned over and grabbed him in an embrace.
"I MISSED YOU I MISSED YOU I MISSSS YOUUUU!" I squealed.
"You're squeezing my head," he replied.
"I KNOW! I AM! I love you! Ahhhhhhh I love you so much I can't stand it! Oh, shit, I'm squeezing your head!" I released him, and he leaned back in, grinning.
"No, no, I like it."
i like your tags on this one. lol. and true that, who cares if your drinks are free if your having a bad time drinking them?
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