Prelude to a Kiss

It's funny how the worst first kisses are the best ones too.

   Driving home is the most nerve-wracking experience of my life thus far.  I laugh too hard at everything he says.  My lisp is becoming horrifically more pronounced by the syllable, but I can't. stop. talking.  When we pull into my driveway, my heart stops.  He leans in.  I can't believe this is actually happening.  I smile.  I lean.  I close my eyes.  I form my lips to a kiss, and prepare for the magic.  His lips touch... my eye.
   My eyes fly open.  I jerk back, alarmed.  Thank God I closed them.  That would have been so creepy if I hadn't.  He stutters.  I stutter back.  We sit stuttering at each other.  I'm trying so hard not to laugh.  I don't want to emasculate him.  He takes a deep breath.
   "Let's try that again."  Smile.  We lean in precisely, carefully.  Our lips make contact.  Relief.



   How long can we possibly sit on my parents' couch looking at each other?  How long can we possibly watch movies and hold hands and be together and never kiss?  Does he even like me?  He just keeps talking.  And smiling at me.  I wish I was the kind of girl who could just go for it.  I wonder how different my life would be.  Those girls get what they want.  Because they take it.  I wish I had that kind of nerve.  Maybe I do.  Or I should!  I do!  This is how I is going to be from now on.  I am going to take life by the balls.  Did I get that from a car commercial?  No... they wouldn't say  that on TV.  I must have heard it somewhere else.  Where though?  Who would say something that stupid?  Well, I just did.  But I must have gotten it from somewhere.  It probably was a stupid car commercial.  I mean, they say bastard on TV sometimes.  Whatever.  He's still talking?!  How long can he possibly talk for?  Oh God, I think he's almost done.  Do it. I can't believe I'm about to do this.  I have to pick exactly the right moment.  And...NOW.  I kiss him.
   Precisely at the same time he licks his lips.  My lips make direct contact with his tongue.
   Are you fucking kidding me?  This is humiliating.  Is he going to say anything about that?  He doesn't.  He changes the subject.  I pretend to listen for another half hour, until his ride pulls up outside.  He gets up to leave.  We walk to the door.  Right before he leaves... he kisses me.  And I kiss him back.  And it's perfect.


   "Will you come in the other room with me please?  I need to talk to you."  My nervousness is so obvious.  He looks concerned.  Of course he agrees.  He follows me into the dining room.  I decide it's probably best to be direct.
   "Well, um, the thing is I, uh, lost a bet and uh...  Well, we have to kiss.  I mean, I have to kiss you.  So.  Yeah.  I'm going to kiss you."
   A smirk spreads across his face.
   "Okay.  Let's... Go ahead."
    And then it's over.  We join the rest of our youth group with secretive smiles.  I never told him I only made the bet because I knew I was going to lose.


   "Drop me off around the corner.  I'll walk home from there.  I don't want your car to wake up my parents."  He nods, and passes my house.  The frustration and confusion in the car are palpable.  This wasn't what we planned.  Things just didn't work out.  I always get so nervous.  What the hell is the matter with me?  The car stops.  He tries to smile.  I turn towards him and kiss him softly.  He responds aggressively, overzealously.  I pull back.
    "I'm just trying to kiss you."  
   "I'm just trying to kiss you."  
   "No... I'm  just trying to kiss you."
   He nods.  He exercises an impressive amount of self-control.


   We're not alone anymore.  And we're leaving.  As I stumble ahead, he reaches to stop me.  He waits for everyone else to get ahead of us, then takes my hand in his and leads me to the car.  I sit in the front seat, as usual.  We drive in a daze, rushing everyone out of the car ahead of us.
   We're alone again.  Pulling into my parents' driveway, we sit and stare at each other, awkwardly.  We both start talking at the same time and then fall silent.  Then speak again.  Then stop again.
   Finally, he speaks alone.  "
   Well.. I'll see you tomorrow?"
   My heart crashes to the bottom of my stomach. "Well yeah, um okay.  So goodnight!"  
   "Yeah, goodnight."  
   I rush into the house, punching numbers into my phone as my hands shake.
   "I think... I think we just ruined everything.  We just hooked up.  Kind of.  Not really.  I mean nothing really happened, but...  I don't know.  I think we crossed a line.  I mean, what the FUCK was I thinking?  What the fuck?  I can't believe what just happened to my life."  "Were you guys drunk?"  "NO.  I don't know what just happened.  We're just stupid.  And fuck...  God, everything is ruined."
    My phone beeps; I have a text message.
   "Come back outside?"
   "Fuck, he's back.  I... I've gotta go.  I'll call you after."
   I go outside and get back in the car.
   "What?"  
   "How bad are you freaking out right now?"  
   "What?  I'm not freaking out! Why would I be freaking out?!"  
   He laughs.  He takes my hand.  "You really think I'm going to believe that?  Where are we on a scale of 1-10?"  
   "...Eleven."  
   He sits up straight.  "I don't know what's the matter with me.  I... I froze.  I'm sorry."  
   "You didn't even kiss me goodnight!"  
   "I know."  
   "No one has ever not kissed me goodnight.  You have to kiss me goodnight!"
   So he does.  It ends short because we burst out laughing.
   "I almost killed you, you know.  You were about to be dead-zo.  Like literally.  I was going to kill you."  He laughs, nervously.  (He knows I meant it.)

   Those are my favorites.  Bobby McGee and Mr. Fantasy are both on the list.  Any guesses which they are?